The Thing That Lives in the Backyard

Ok, so there are a ton of renovation and upgrades we want to do on this house. One is the backyard - what there is of it. There is only about a 40 feet until a hill started that is about a 60 degree angle, up hill. Most of the acre is off to the side of the house. We have left the hill for too long and it has started to erode. I've called for landscaping estimates and the fun will begin there soon. In the meantime - we have a resident. We have always referred to the as The Thing That Lives in the Backyard. (T3LB for sake of brevity here - and a really cool rap name if It so decides!) OK, so T3LB has lived there since late season last year. It has a huge hole/home towards to top of the hill. I can see it come out in the mornings from my kitchen table. (Wild friggin' Kingdom around here between them, deer, skunk, coyotes and a hog nosed snake I saw the other day. Not ready to discuss the snake yet!) So, since I've hatched the landscaping plan I've been wondering how we will get rid of T3LB. I've begun to feel a little like Bill Murray's character in Caddyshack. I talk to it from my seat, over my coffee. Things like "Enjoy it all now, because you are going to be evicted!" Chortle, chortle, snort. Well, as of the last few days - well T3LB has been showing me it's ASS! As if to say,"Oh, yeah? Kiss THIS! I'm going nowhere!" OMG! I wonder what now? Will we be like Over the Hedge and have to get the laser system to capture it? How much will T3LB end up costing me? I don't like him and he knows it. He's bigger than my dog though, so I have no real weapon. When we lived in the house I grew up in from ages 10-26 we had a T3LB there BUT we also had a part Lab- part Raccoon Hound who would chase it back into the woods. One day, it just up and died and the dog was shocked. She LOVED to chase it but had no real desire to kill it. It just went teats up one chase, before she even got to it. AND THEN NANA MADE ME LIFT IT WITH HER AND THROW IT INTO THE WOODS!!!! It was the end of the summer so it must have weighted 40 pounds, if not more. That's the grossest T3LB story of all time I think - even grosser than the time The Thing That Lives in the Backyard became the Thing That Loves in the Backyard. We had our own Rodent of Unusual Size porn going on. Puke. So, there will be another chapter to this saga. Can Wonderpup be taught a martial art do you think? NinjaPup has a nice ring to it!