Dirty Dancing and the Gynecologist

Why is the movie Dirty Dancing so appealing to me still? Let's see - what did it have to begin with? Well, Patrick Swayze was sexy in it and he could dance. Jennifer Gray had an endearing quality that made you think she was an average girl BUT then she copped on to the dancing too quickly and it became CLEAR that she had some classical ballet training and could really dance. So then you started to not like her as much but were still happy that they got to be together. Even though I always really wanted to know what happened next - after that summer. We still quote the movie - and I still love white canvas Keds. Maybe since I grew up in the Catskills - although the era of the hotels had shifted to a different clientele - perhaps I thought I could be like Baby and have someone recognize my good qualities and help them to shine? Separate the "me" from the person I was with my family? (not that I was not free to be me, I was repressing myself more than anything) Luckily my boy did come along, and he was carrying a watermelon - because of this movie. But now I am left wondering if I have placed too much emphasis on another person helping me to shine, to uncover what is under all of these layers. Did Johnny and Baby get married and have one baby right away and it took her 8 years to have another? And then did people tell her she should close up shop there? Did she stand on the verge of 40 with hormonal and weight issues that were so intertwined that she was confused as to what was her fault and what was genetics? Did she work so hard to run a business and make money that she lost sight of who and where she was? Did she move into a house and still not have full use of it a year later because she and Johnny could not get things done? I doubt it. It's a movie and I get that. But maybe movies influence too many of us as far as what we had hoped life would be, what we still think life should be? Or is there something to them that rings true? If they really love each other would the daily tasks get done better? Does it matter that she has said she needs help and plans never transpire to provide that help? Do the things we promise each other in those first minutes, days and early years of love really count, or are they just the results of loneliness and once that loneliness is gone, we do not need to honor them? Is it true that all's you need is love? Too many questions.

So, where does the gynecologist come into this story? Appt. Tomorrow and I am half looking forward to it, half dreading it. He's a nice man so I am happy to go see him, but it's another year at the same weight and my 4th year on Metformin. It should have been the key to regulate everything and I should be a skinny minnie by now. And last year he asked me why I would even want another child when I have two perfect ones now, and am approaching 40 this June. How do you explain to someone else a feeling that you cannot explain to yourself? Why does it all swirl together so?